Dear Shri Krishna,
Thankyou is a very limited word in the English language for what I feel for all that You have given me.
The situation you have put me in to be exploring your divine verses in the Gita, is the only reason why I am here today, saying this to you. Anugraham. You are the ultimate psychologist and psychiatrist that one can hope for.
However, the point of this letter is specific.
I always had a physiological reaction and an emotional elation when I saw someone’s artistic rendition – by this I mean in music, dance and sports. I could never understand why.
When I saw a Steffi Graf or Andre Agassi on the court, in slow motion, I felt like it was an art – their ability to communicate with the ball through the racket to place the ball exactly where they wanted it on the other side of the court. Perfect mind and body coordination. This, keeping in mind the respect and love they have for their physical bodies, how they kept it in such pristine condition – like a prayer, a dedication to God for his creation.
My body always felt light, like my energy was leaving my physical form to a higher dimension when I heard a TM Krishna sing a Jagadodharana or a Hiranmayim. In more than one occasion I have felt an emotional attraction towards him, however I always felt guilty. Guilty of what, I would ask myself- but I never had an answer. I wasn’t cheating on my marriage, I wasn’t asking the him for anything persona at all. If I can reach that other dimension when I merely hear him in a concert, how would it be to be him, in his heart? How often is he in close proximity with the creator? What does he feel when he is in that bliss? I want to be in his place experiencing that with him – is all I felt.
When Ranjani Gayatri sang Vittala, tears would swell in my eyes and roll down my cheeks. When Sadanand Menon speaks about artistic expressions of Chandralekha and femisim, I feel it. Micheal Jackson dancing, Elvis singing, Anil playing the piano, Prasanna playing the guitar, Mahesh Raghavan, my music teachers… – I felt this in all of them.
I say this because, I am an artist. Small, but when I hold my brush and look into that plain paper, my body gets into an auto mode. When I finish I cannot feel the passage of time or the physical needs of my senses. Hours feel like seconds. I feel free of the bondage of this world. This is the one thing that has helped me through my share of hardships in life. If in my place being a very small artist I can feel spurts of such peace, how would it be for a person who has attained perfection? I want to be unified with that! Is this considered a craving with a negative connotation?
The Gita played a part here. Krishna says – when you see someone who is extremely talented, see my Vibhuti there. I am the God Particle that has manifested itself through them. This is one of the most satisfying verses for me. He also says I am there in all activities that you indulge in unless it crosses your dharma. My question was finally answered.
And now, I shall say guilt-free that I deeply love all those artists.
I sincerely thank the Creator for having blessed me with exposure to such wonderful people, for giving me the ability to not just watch them perform but to experience them, and lastly for reassurance that You are who I see in all those people. I finally have the right to love you the way I want to.