Pale contours

Life is chaotic, sometimes more than we would like it to be.

Last night I dreamt of two peacocks sitting rather shyly or should I say sadly on my open window. They were both different in size and adored different coloured feathers. These birds were sitting fairly close to me. I extended my fingers to feel their soft features, they only nudged closer to me as if they needed some tender love and care. They didnt get scared and try to flutter away for safety. I was their security blanket. Why were they  afraid of the outside world? Why were they of different colours? Why peacocks?

The last question is relatively easy to answer. A very close friend of mine has been asking me to paint peacocks for sometime. It has been on my mind.

The world thinks that a peacock is a beautiful, elegant, colourful, attractive bird capable of wooing not just its soulmate but everyone who lays their eyes on it. However, what does the ‘mighty’ peacock feel?

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I look around to see colourful beings, but they are all sinking in their own worlds. I look at my own body, it is heavy, although my thoughts feel heavier. My mind constantly tries to organise itself to fit all the chaos around into compartments and bring some discipline so that working around the chaos becomes easy. I am bereft of love, I am at a loss of a soulmate. I have an audience when I spread my wings and dance as I walk around searching for the whiff of her. I dreamt of her following my lead but I walk companionless dragging my heavy self along. Where is she?  Is it my body? Is it the colour of my wings or is it the steps of my dance? Or is it my mere embrace she runs away from? Was she ever meant to be mine?

peacock 2

So many questions and no one to answer them. I pray to be a swan in my next birth as they swans always find their soulmates. Show me that compassion – Oh! the lord of the universe. I want to know love.

peacock 3

Was it the peacock or was it me, I wonder!

 

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